We all had our counseling session this morning. I found a good recommendation of a therapist here in L.A. and she'll be sending the report to the clinic in Seattle in the next couple of days. First, the therapist and I had a little meeting, then she spoke with Cynthia and Tim alone, and later with all 4 of us. It went great, at the end she told me that I'm really a lucky person, that Cynthia and Tim were lovely and that they really want to do this for us. I know, I know, I feel so so lucky!
Cynthia is so excited and she can't wait to move forward. If it would be for her, she would be putting those embryos in tomorrow. I am very excited too of course, but I have more experience, I'm a bit more cautious (and jaded) and know we still have a few more tests to pass before talking about transfer. So I'm excited but not crazy excited yet.
Today we all 4 spoke about how many to transfer. Cynthia was happy to transfer both our embryos but as much as I would LOVE twins and dreamed about twins for the longest time, I do not want to do that to her, she is very petite and I know for a fact that it would be too much for her. But it shows how sweet and incredibly giving she is.
Another topic we discussed, not today but a few weeks back, was the fact that our embryos were created with donor sperm. Even though it was never our plan to talk to anyone in the family about it, we felt we had to be honest with them given the circumstances. Specially, since Tim is Dan's brother, we felt they needed to know that they weren't going to be carrying a baby that was biologically related to Dan. We weren't sure if that was going to change things. I can't say I was surprised, because they are the nicest people, but I guess I didn't know what to expect, they were very open minded about it and thought that the baby was going to be family no matter what and that they didn't care at all how it was created, that to them it was our baby and that was it. They are so great!
At the end of the session today, the therapist told me that there is no need for me to feel indebted to them for the rest of my life. How can I not? She said indebted was too strong of a word and that grateful is how I should feel. I can tell you I feel incredibly grateful and indebted, and I don't know if I will ever be able to feel any other way.
So things are going really well so far. I've had a couple of days of grieving, can't lie. I had imagined things in a different way. I've dreamed of a growing belly, of feeling the kicking of a baby inside of me, of Dan feeling the baby and little things like that. So I have my moments. But for the most part, I'm excited. I have a chance at a baby. As of last month I had nothing and now I have a real possibility, so in my sad moments I'm reminding myself of that and the great gift we both are getting.
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