After spending so much time and money trying for a baby and being that we are both in our forties now, I can't help but think of all the ways a baby will change our lives and all the good things we've got going that we may not be able to enjoy anymore. As I type this, I imagine you could get as mad with me as I get with Dan when he starts talking about this stuff. Of course I tell him that nothing will bring as much joy and satisfaction as raising a child and that nothing else will matter at that point. The truth is, I'm worried about all that myself.
To me, a life without kids seems like a very sad one. One of wondering what it would have been, one of regrets, one of sadness and emptiness. But I do realize that having children in our forties, when we do not own a house yet because of the crazy expenses that have been piling up this past few years, when we do not have parents or close family around to help us with baby sitting and stuff, when we probably both will have to work and cut down on many things that we enjoy, like travel, dinning out, shopping and things like that, may be more difficult that I've been thinking it will be.
I know Dan is scared. I know I secretly am too.
I know most of you are much younger than I am. And we all live different lives. But do you ever wonder about this things?
PS~ I watched Diana Vreeland's film, The Eye Has To Travel, it's now available on DVD, and Valentino this week, both great documentaries, specially if you are into fashion.